She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
