Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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