I think scott just propositioned me for sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My vagina just clenched in fear
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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