someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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