I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize