so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
