I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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