Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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