New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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