So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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