This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
