C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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