I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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