the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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