Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
