you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
