My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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