Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
