What did we do last night that was yellow?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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