I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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