ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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