Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
