The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
