I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
