guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
