I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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