I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
