They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize