Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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