My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
