It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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