Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
