So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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