his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
