If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i will never coherently bang her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
