he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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