So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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