So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
