i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
