After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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