I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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