My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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