i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
