She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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