if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
