no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize