you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
