She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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