Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
