My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
