Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
