mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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