I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
