moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
