You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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