dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
