I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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