Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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