If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
