epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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