I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
