Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
