If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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