We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
