I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
