booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
