your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
