When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
