It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
