I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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