saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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