he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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